..life is a canvas,get my crayon & bunchos and brushes,and paint it colorful..

Saturday, August 29, 2009

bila hati berbicara..cewah!

no dis is not a diary
jus luahan perasaan
coz i hate dis feelin rite now
perasaan menghadap hari2 terakhir kt umh..
i've been feelin like dis since 12 yrs old..
everytime abes cuti sek,n kne blk ke hostel,aku rs mcm myt idup..
restless,helpless,sume nye less...
but the difference is..dulu pas je smpi sek,jmpe kwn2..trus lupe ibu baba..
eventho,kdg2 tergenang gak air mate sket2..( hehe..poyo2 sedey )
pas kete ibu kuar pgr je,trus ble terlompat lompat mcm xingt dunie..
smpi ibu kne kol warden coz aku xkol umh dh 2mnggu!

but now..
as soon as aku trn elevator kt departure tu..
ati mcm nk pecah
langkah rs makin lame makin berat
tp xprnh lg ade air mate kuar..
wktu slm,peluk,cium ibu baba pn
bole gelak2 lg
smpi baba tnye,awk ni xde rs sedey2 ke?
bkn xde rs sedey..
cume xble tunjuk kn je
once air mate ni mengalir..mmg xkn berenti la..
silap2 mau aku ajk mereka pth blk umh..
xkn la nk wat cmtuh kn?
aku pn nk ctrl ayu gak kt epot..

n beza nye perpisahan kali ini
once kaki jejak ke moscow
there is notin there for me
absolutely notin!
no frens,no joy,no fun,notin...
not that i dont want to hv fren
but,felt kinda enuf being stab on the front ( they all xmen stab blkg2 ni..)
and i started to felt everytin is wrong,n easily annoyed..
thats the price dat i hv to pay for being myself..
so,i jus kinda live my own life..
i dunno...
do i need frens?
jus be fren eventho i dun like it?
or jus keep living like dis?
kinda suck aite??

beskut always said..
frens actually is a people who need u wen in trouble
but forgot you in happiness..
so far,i do agree wif dat..so sad the world dat we live in..
i miss having frens like salina,piah,deqno,nana,anis,nik,kirin around..
or izit jus me yg prolem nye
coz they get along jus fine..
yup,it must be me...

rs nk tdo,n bile sedar je,trus dh kt moscow..
so i dun hve to face all the hassle of packing,saying gudbyes,n all
its too much for me..
i miss my oldself..
not feelin depressed like dis
nor having doubts wif ownself
izit a cry of help?
or jus a wkup call?
either way..at the end..im back to me..
and jus me....


SaLiNa said...

Go strong gil!! We are always by ur side.. any prob, jz let us noe, mayb v cant help u, but v r always there 2 hear ur prob.. jz let everything go, then u feel relief.. nothing is impossible in this world, jz start ur day with a BIG smile on ur face, mayb dats d best way 2 continue ur happy life.. Miss ya gil.. x sempat nak jumpe awk pun.. take care n safe journey.. ^_^

SaLiNa said...

hmm.. lupe nak britau.. sedih bace blog awk ni.. i think u ade few years more 2 finish, x pe.. mase berlalu dgn cepat.. nnt awk dh abis, kite blh hang out 2gather again.. jgn sedih2 lg, u will go thru dis hard time.. i noe u can.. YAKIN BOLEH!! :)

nadia.H said...

tq Salina..terharu i bace ur comment..mmg time tls ni,tgh sedey2 pn..tu yg ter emosi sket tu..nway,cant wait to grad.i noe kt mane2 pn akn ade problem.it jus dat here,i cant seem to fix it.gettin worse adela..huhu..but,really..tq soo much!

Q said...

ellow mak cik! da blk ke ke negara yg x bertamadun ke?

ain syakirin hanaffi said...

ala sedih nyer,,, jgn sedih2 update blog so v can update each other tau

nadia.H said...

hehe..kekwn,sy dh xsedey lg dh!!tq for all the concern..terharu,,hukhuk...later i wat entry bes2 plak k..hehe